When I started the blog last year I did so towards the end our adoption process. With our next adoption I wanted to start it at the beginning. Back in June I announced that we wanted to adopt another child. We are still in the planning stages and in the money gathering stage.
Adoption is a long process. From the time you decide you want to adopt and have the funds, to the time you get a child in the home, it is a minimum of 2 years. At least that’s how long it took us to get Nathan. There are also age limits on adoption. What counts is your age when you get the child in your possession. We are already pushing the age limit on international adoption.
Adoption is prohibitedly expensive. It is not $2000 or even $20,000. It’s far more than that. And so families hold yard sales, bake sales, fundraising dinners, put donation boxes at parties, send out letters requesting donations and post donate buttons on their blogs. That’s what I did. I put a donate button on my blog and added a tag line to my email: “We want to adopt another baby! Please help us change a child's life. You can help by donating at www.keyraj.blogspot.com”
A friend of mine said it best, “donate to an orphanage you feed a child for a day. Help a family adopt a child and you change a child’s life for life.”
I could not hold fundraising dinners or yard sales because I live in a state where I don’t really know anyone. If I was still living in California surrounded by family and friends I could do those things. I admit I was going to send out donation request letters at holiday time. That’s what we do in the adoption world. We depend on family and friends and the kindness of strangers to help us get a child.
When you are in the adoption world, your understanding of what is acceptable differs from that of a woman who can effortlessly carry a child. There is desperation in you that no one who hasn’t been there can possibly understand.
I don’t consider what I am doing to be begging. I am doing what I need to do to get my son a brother or sister. I have faith in God that he will bring me another child, just like he brought me my Nathan. This is all for Nathan. Every child needs a sibling or two.
7/27/10
6/25/10
A Sibling For Nathan
Did you see the PayPal link on our blog? We are raising money for our next adoption. When we adopted Nathan, we had the means to pay for it all ourselves. Unfortunately, our financial situation has changed and in order for us to adopt another child, we are dependent on donations. Please note these donations are NOT tax deductible. If the lack of tax deduction is preventing you from donating, get in touch with me, I can make arrangements.
I have no additional details on the adoption as we are not yet starting the process. Until we get the money together that we need, we are not going to start. After all, no point in starting if we can't afford to finish.
Nathan really wants a sibling. I see how well Nathan plays with kids that come to our house. He loves other children and plays so nicely with them. The three of us work well together as a family and we are ready to expand our family. We love our son so much and are eager to open our hearts to another child.
Our agency sends us pictures of waiting children. Keyoor and I want each child we see. Brenda, our contact at our adoption agency, keeps asking, are we ready yet? My answer is always, our hearts are ready but our bank account isn't.
Won't you help us give Nathan a sibling? Any amount is appreciated. Even $1 makes a difference.
Rajal and Keyoor ( and Nathan too)
I have no additional details on the adoption as we are not yet starting the process. Until we get the money together that we need, we are not going to start. After all, no point in starting if we can't afford to finish.
Nathan really wants a sibling. I see how well Nathan plays with kids that come to our house. He loves other children and plays so nicely with them. The three of us work well together as a family and we are ready to expand our family. We love our son so much and are eager to open our hearts to another child.
Our agency sends us pictures of waiting children. Keyoor and I want each child we see. Brenda, our contact at our adoption agency, keeps asking, are we ready yet? My answer is always, our hearts are ready but our bank account isn't.
Won't you help us give Nathan a sibling? Any amount is appreciated. Even $1 makes a difference.
Rajal and Keyoor ( and Nathan too)
5/24/10
Yahoo Groups - Letting Go
In my attempt to start seeing my child as my child and not my adopted child, I have to let go of my yahoo groups. This is immensely difficult especially in this year when I have had to give up many things and people that I loved. As for the things I gave up, those were material and I will someday get them back, if not, I know that material things are immaterial in the narrow path to spiritual happiness. As for the people, I did not really give them up; we just happened to move to different state. It's rough but we stay in touch through phone calls, visits, and the internet.
Back to my yahoo groups; I belong to two of them. There is one that is comprised of people of my adoption agency. I call this my happy group. Everyone is always hopeful and pleasant. It is a group that rejoices in good news. This group I will remain a part of since the focus is always on the adoption process and not adoption issues per se. I'm a reference for my agency, so I like to keep on top of what's going on with the waiting families. That is why I will remain an active member of this group.
My other yahoo group is my nri.ichild group; I will refer to it as my yahoo group. There are many ichild groups and this one in particular is for people of Indian descent adopting from India. If you are interested in adopting from India, join one of the ichild yahoo groups. My yahoo group is my lifeline. For the past few years I have been an active member of this group. They have held my hand, wiped my tears, cheered me on, and been my best friends and my family. This group is an immense wealth of knowledge and love. From day one, I could talk to them about things that only they would understand. They understood the agony of the wait to have a child, to hold a child. For every issue encountered or milestone achieved, they have been there for me. And likewise, I have been there for them. These aren't just my yahoo friends, many have become my facebook friends, and many have become my real friends for life. We exchange emails, phone calls, and we have even met in person. Through our experiences and our children we have formed a bond.
My yahoo group has been a regular part of my life for the past several years. It was through this group that I found Nathan. A member of the group had emailed that her agency had a child available for anyone who was ready with their immigration approvals. I replied to the email and literally overnight I had a son. Thank God for this yahoo group who helped bring me my son. I in turn did the same for other families. That's what we do in my yahoo group; we stick together and help each other out.
So how do I detach myself from this group? And why? I have to, because I will always see every issue that Nathan experiences as an adoption issue and not a toddler issue until I move past the adoption. This group keeps me tied to the adoption and it's time I moved on. One simple way I have let go of the group, is by changing the group settings from receiving emails constantly to receiving them once a day in a digest format. Once I get used to that, I will change it to receiving no emails. I don't plan on unsubscribing because someday (hopefully soon) we will begin our next adoption.
Letting go of my yahoo group does not mean I am letting go of the friends I have made through that group. They are my friends forever. All of who adopt, share a lifelong bond. And I hope our children will too.
Back to my yahoo groups; I belong to two of them. There is one that is comprised of people of my adoption agency. I call this my happy group. Everyone is always hopeful and pleasant. It is a group that rejoices in good news. This group I will remain a part of since the focus is always on the adoption process and not adoption issues per se. I'm a reference for my agency, so I like to keep on top of what's going on with the waiting families. That is why I will remain an active member of this group.
My other yahoo group is my nri.ichild group; I will refer to it as my yahoo group. There are many ichild groups and this one in particular is for people of Indian descent adopting from India. If you are interested in adopting from India, join one of the ichild yahoo groups. My yahoo group is my lifeline. For the past few years I have been an active member of this group. They have held my hand, wiped my tears, cheered me on, and been my best friends and my family. This group is an immense wealth of knowledge and love. From day one, I could talk to them about things that only they would understand. They understood the agony of the wait to have a child, to hold a child. For every issue encountered or milestone achieved, they have been there for me. And likewise, I have been there for them. These aren't just my yahoo friends, many have become my facebook friends, and many have become my real friends for life. We exchange emails, phone calls, and we have even met in person. Through our experiences and our children we have formed a bond.
My yahoo group has been a regular part of my life for the past several years. It was through this group that I found Nathan. A member of the group had emailed that her agency had a child available for anyone who was ready with their immigration approvals. I replied to the email and literally overnight I had a son. Thank God for this yahoo group who helped bring me my son. I in turn did the same for other families. That's what we do in my yahoo group; we stick together and help each other out.
So how do I detach myself from this group? And why? I have to, because I will always see every issue that Nathan experiences as an adoption issue and not a toddler issue until I move past the adoption. This group keeps me tied to the adoption and it's time I moved on. One simple way I have let go of the group, is by changing the group settings from receiving emails constantly to receiving them once a day in a digest format. Once I get used to that, I will change it to receiving no emails. I don't plan on unsubscribing because someday (hopefully soon) we will begin our next adoption.
Letting go of my yahoo group does not mean I am letting go of the friends I have made through that group. They are my friends forever. All of who adopt, share a lifelong bond. And I hope our children will too.
5/18/10
My child not my adoptive child
When you are an adoptive parent, you see your child's actions through the veil of adoption. What a parent takes for granted as normal toddler behavior, an adoptive parent sees as an adoption issue.
For example, when Nathan was biting and hitting in school, I insisted that it was him coming to terms with his adoption. I even called our adoption agency and they too agreed it could be that. Lots of adoptive kids display anger to test you to see if you are in it for the long haul. I then spoke with the head of Nathan's school, and explained to him how this is an adoption issue. He disagreed; he said it's a normal two year old issue. I then spoke to the school's child psychologist (Nathan goes to a private school so there is one on staff). To appease me she said they keep in mind that Nathan's adopted and give him some leeway, but hitting and biting is typical toddler behavior. Hmmm...
Another flaw of adoptive parents is that you are always trying to find their delays and weaknesses and find the adoptive cure for them. For example, Nathan doesn't talk yet. This is a point of worry and frustration for me. He says lots of sentences but not with any consistency or clarity. Every parent keeps telling me how their child did not talk to 3.That's fine for them, but my child's adopted. As time passes and my panic grows, I finally break down and call the Kansas Children's Mercy Hospital's Adoption Clinic. Here they have specialists on hand to deal with the special needs of adoptive children. I called and explained the situation to the nurse. The conversation went like this:
Nurse: What did his pediatrician say?
Me: He said that's normal and not to worry about it.
Nurse: You don't believe him?
Me: What he said is true for other kids, but mine is adoption. What does he know about the special needs of adoptive kids?
Nurse: Does your son have other issues?
Me: No, he's perfectly healthy.
Nurse: So why do you think not talking is an adoption issue?
Me: Because he's adopted. Maybe he has psychological scarring or maybe he as weak facial muscles that prevent him from speaking.
Nurse: Or maybe he is just a normal two year old boy who has other great communication skills and therefore is a delayed talker.
Me: Oh
Nurse: All you adoptive parents see every issue as an adoption issue. Trying seeing your child, as your child and not your adoptive child.
Me: Are you sure it's not an adoption issue?
Nurse: Yes, not talking at age 2 is normal. There is no issue. He's a child, not an adoptive child.
With that I decided she was right. I need to see my son as a toddler and not an adoptive toddler. And so I am making a diligent effort to break away from the ties that bind me to the adoption. More on that in my next blog entry.
Rajal
For example, when Nathan was biting and hitting in school, I insisted that it was him coming to terms with his adoption. I even called our adoption agency and they too agreed it could be that. Lots of adoptive kids display anger to test you to see if you are in it for the long haul. I then spoke with the head of Nathan's school, and explained to him how this is an adoption issue. He disagreed; he said it's a normal two year old issue. I then spoke to the school's child psychologist (Nathan goes to a private school so there is one on staff). To appease me she said they keep in mind that Nathan's adopted and give him some leeway, but hitting and biting is typical toddler behavior. Hmmm...
Another flaw of adoptive parents is that you are always trying to find their delays and weaknesses and find the adoptive cure for them. For example, Nathan doesn't talk yet. This is a point of worry and frustration for me. He says lots of sentences but not with any consistency or clarity. Every parent keeps telling me how their child did not talk to 3.That's fine for them, but my child's adopted. As time passes and my panic grows, I finally break down and call the Kansas Children's Mercy Hospital's Adoption Clinic. Here they have specialists on hand to deal with the special needs of adoptive children. I called and explained the situation to the nurse. The conversation went like this:
Nurse: What did his pediatrician say?
Me: He said that's normal and not to worry about it.
Nurse: You don't believe him?
Me: What he said is true for other kids, but mine is adoption. What does he know about the special needs of adoptive kids?
Nurse: Does your son have other issues?
Me: No, he's perfectly healthy.
Nurse: So why do you think not talking is an adoption issue?
Me: Because he's adopted. Maybe he has psychological scarring or maybe he as weak facial muscles that prevent him from speaking.
Nurse: Or maybe he is just a normal two year old boy who has other great communication skills and therefore is a delayed talker.
Me: Oh
Nurse: All you adoptive parents see every issue as an adoption issue. Trying seeing your child, as your child and not your adoptive child.
Me: Are you sure it's not an adoption issue?
Nurse: Yes, not talking at age 2 is normal. There is no issue. He's a child, not an adoptive child.
With that I decided she was right. I need to see my son as a toddler and not an adoptive toddler. And so I am making a diligent effort to break away from the ties that bind me to the adoption. More on that in my next blog entry.
Rajal
4/14/10
One year anniversary
Today is our 1 year anniversary of GOTCHA Day. That's the day we took physical custody of Nathan.
On Gotcha Day Nathan was 15 months old and wearing a size 9 months. Today he is 2 years old and wearing a size 2T. He is healthy, active, social and most of all loving and generous. He goes through many of the issues other adoptive kids face, anxiety issues and anger issues. We patiently work through them.
And here is my big boy now. This was taken at Easter when my sister Rina and her hubby Randy visited. Nathan loves Randymasa (aka Uncle Randy).
The picture to the left is the first picture we ever got of Nathan. It was his referrral picture. The picture to the right is the first Nathan and daddy picture.
It was the first time Keyoor held Nathan on Gotcha Day.
It was the first time Keyoor held Nathan on Gotcha Day.
In honor of that, I posted pictures of Nathan from the past year. I posted Nathan's referral picture, his Gotcha Day picture, and various pictures throughout the year. You will see from these, what a difference nutritional food and a loving home environment make in a child's life.
It hasn't been an easy year for many reasons, but being mommy and daddy to Nathan has made it the best year.
This picture won a grouchy kid radio contest
The picture above is Nathan enjoying summer. The picture below is typical cuteness.
This is Nathan dressed as his namesake Lord Krishna for the Mundan ceremony.
Here is Nathan all dressed up for his birthday. Nathan turned 2.
And here is my big boy now. This was taken at Easter when my sister Rina and her hubby Randy visited. Nathan loves Randymasa (aka Uncle Randy).Love will make a child grow, said Nathan's pediatrician. The proof in the pictures.
-Rajal
4/13/10
Happy Anniversary to Me and my Hubby
April 12th was mine and Keyoor's 13th wedding anniversary. It was such a special one because Nathan was here with us. I remember all the years on our anniversary we would say next year we will have a child. And next year would come and still no child.
Last year on anniversary we travelled to India to pick up Nathan. It was actually our 12th anniversary and as the clock struck midnight to usher in the 12th of April, we board a plane to bring our baby home. Even now, a year later, I'm tearing up while writing this. What a magical experience that was. (more on that in my next blog entry)
But this year, being home with our son, that was by far the best. We sat on the sofa and told Nathan all about it, how we spent our anniversary on the plane last year, how we prayed each year to have a child, and how God answered our prayers with the most perfect child.
Nathan was destined to be ours. I think that of each of our adoption group friends and their children. If you see each child and their parents, you know that it's a perfect fit. It's amazing how these children take on the looks and mannerisms of their parents.
The other day, Keyoor's mom called and wanted to know if Nathan likes to walk around the house signing. Oh yes and not just around the house. The other day we were in Kohls (where I love to shop for everything especially Nathan's clothes) and Nathan is singing while I change his diaper in the restroom. Back to Nani. She said Keyoor did the same when he was that age. It's a bit scary sometimes how Nathan is exactly like Keyoor. One of the childhood stories I always here about Keyoor is that he loved to ride his bike super fast. Nathan doesn't know how to ride a bike yet, but Nathan runs so crazily fast that we can barely keep up with him. The other day we went to the lake and Nathan ran a good portion of the 3/4 mile round of the lake. Tiny legs but boy can he run.
Last year on anniversary we travelled to India to pick up Nathan. It was actually our 12th anniversary and as the clock struck midnight to usher in the 12th of April, we board a plane to bring our baby home. Even now, a year later, I'm tearing up while writing this. What a magical experience that was. (more on that in my next blog entry)
But this year, being home with our son, that was by far the best. We sat on the sofa and told Nathan all about it, how we spent our anniversary on the plane last year, how we prayed each year to have a child, and how God answered our prayers with the most perfect child.
Nathan was destined to be ours. I think that of each of our adoption group friends and their children. If you see each child and their parents, you know that it's a perfect fit. It's amazing how these children take on the looks and mannerisms of their parents.
The other day, Keyoor's mom called and wanted to know if Nathan likes to walk around the house signing. Oh yes and not just around the house. The other day we were in Kohls (where I love to shop for everything especially Nathan's clothes) and Nathan is singing while I change his diaper in the restroom. Back to Nani. She said Keyoor did the same when he was that age. It's a bit scary sometimes how Nathan is exactly like Keyoor. One of the childhood stories I always here about Keyoor is that he loved to ride his bike super fast. Nathan doesn't know how to ride a bike yet, but Nathan runs so crazily fast that we can barely keep up with him. The other day we went to the lake and Nathan ran a good portion of the 3/4 mile round of the lake. Tiny legs but boy can he run.
4/11/10
Court Process Continued
I just wanted to provide more details on our day in court.
We finalized Nathan's adoption in Sacramento on March 15th. The court day went smoothly. Our appt was for 8:30. At exactly that time, the bailiff called us into the courtroom. We sat a few minutes and
then were taken to the Judge's chamber for the proceedings. The Judge was so nice. He offered Nathan some m&m's and therefore Nathan was happy as could be.
The judge reviewed the India documents and asked for Form 210 and 215. Never asked for Form 230. Then he signed the forms and made his declaration that it was in the best interest of Nathan to be adopted by us. Nathan clapped and shook the Judges hand.
Amazing what a 2 year old can comprehend. I think my son knew what an important day it was because on the plane ride back to Kansas, he hugged and said "I love you mommy."
After the proceedings were over, we took pictures with the Judge and then waited for the copies of the order. By 9:00 we were all done.
What a relief it was to finally be done. It took several days for it to sink in. Since June 2007 this has been my whole life. Adoption is long expensive journey filled with thousands of pages of paperwork and so much government bureaucracy. It however is so worth it. For all those days I thought the process would never end, on March 15th it finally ended for us. Nathan is legally our child.
Afterwards, my mom sent Nathan the cutest card. It said, Congratulations Nathan on becoming a US Citizen, you can now be president someday. I have the card posted to the refrigerator so I can read it everyday.
I know finalizing the adoption is just a formality, but it is such an important one. Because until that was done, we were only known by the government as his legal guardians. Now we are known as his legal parents.
Since it's tax time, I have to add, there is an adoption credit but you can't claim it until you finalize the adoption. So we miss out on it in 2009 but we will be able to claim it in 2010.
Once I find the cord that connects the camera to the computer, I will be able to post some pictures of the ceremony. It's somewhere in the 70 plus moving boxes in our storage area.
If I haven't said so already, Thank you to all those who shared this long journey with us. We couldn't have traveled this road without your support. I hope you always remain a part of our lives, especially Nathan's life.
Rajal
We finalized Nathan's adoption in Sacramento on March 15th. The court day went smoothly. Our appt was for 8:30. At exactly that time, the bailiff called us into the courtroom. We sat a few minutes and
then were taken to the Judge's chamber for the proceedings. The Judge was so nice. He offered Nathan some m&m's and therefore Nathan was happy as could be.
The judge reviewed the India documents and asked for Form 210 and 215. Never asked for Form 230. Then he signed the forms and made his declaration that it was in the best interest of Nathan to be adopted by us. Nathan clapped and shook the Judges hand.
Amazing what a 2 year old can comprehend. I think my son knew what an important day it was because on the plane ride back to Kansas, he hugged and said "I love you mommy."
After the proceedings were over, we took pictures with the Judge and then waited for the copies of the order. By 9:00 we were all done.
What a relief it was to finally be done. It took several days for it to sink in. Since June 2007 this has been my whole life. Adoption is long expensive journey filled with thousands of pages of paperwork and so much government bureaucracy. It however is so worth it. For all those days I thought the process would never end, on March 15th it finally ended for us. Nathan is legally our child.
Afterwards, my mom sent Nathan the cutest card. It said, Congratulations Nathan on becoming a US Citizen, you can now be president someday. I have the card posted to the refrigerator so I can read it everyday.
I know finalizing the adoption is just a formality, but it is such an important one. Because until that was done, we were only known by the government as his legal guardians. Now we are known as his legal parents.
Since it's tax time, I have to add, there is an adoption credit but you can't claim it until you finalize the adoption. So we miss out on it in 2009 but we will be able to claim it in 2010.
Once I find the cord that connects the camera to the computer, I will be able to post some pictures of the ceremony. It's somewhere in the 70 plus moving boxes in our storage area.
If I haven't said so already, Thank you to all those who shared this long journey with us. We couldn't have traveled this road without your support. I hope you always remain a part of our lives, especially Nathan's life.
Rajal
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