Just a quick post to let everyone know we all done with the court process. Nathan's adoption was finalized in California on March 15th, 2010. Nearly 3 years after we started our adoption journey, we are finished. Hooray for Nathan Keyoor Mankad, US Citizen, and legal son of Keyoor and Rajal Mankad. And hooray for Nathan's mommy and daddy for having such a perfect child. We are so lucky. Thank you God for blessing us with our son.
I'll write more about the court process later.
Rajal
3/16/10
February - I see the light
Things are finally getting better. Now that Nathan is living with me I see he is slowly returning to normal. Every day we come home and ear the wonderful food my mom has waiting for us. My mother is spoiling Nathan with all her good food and the special dishes she makes just for him.
After dinner, I sit him in my lap and wrap my arms around him. We sit there for an hour or so watching PBS Sprout (Noddy and Thomas the Tank Engine). I hate that Nathan is watching so much tv but it's the comfort he needs to get through these tough days. Nathan is also very clingy and me sitting with my arms around him provides him assurance.
His teachers tell me he is doing well at school. I see he is learning a lot. There is a lot of anxiety and anger over the move and seeing a separation of mommy and daddy, which is resulting in some biting/fighting issues at school. I explained the situation to his school and they are very understanding. As I write this in March, all school behavior issues are resolved.
There were many things that happened in February that brought us hope. Our furniture finally arrived and we were no longer living in an empty house. But before that, we learned we got a court date- March 15th. It was a month away but it was going to be over soon. And the best Valentine's Day present ever, Keyoor called me the night before and told me he would be in Kansas in the morning, permanently. Hooray. We were going to be a family again, living in a house filled with our things, and a light at the end of tunnel - a court date. Life was finally improving in.
For Nathan, he still wasn't convinced that Daddy and Mommy were sticking around. He threw lots of tantrums and the constant tv watching and candy was the only that would calm him. But as the month went on and as I write this in March, the tantrums are gone. The bad behaviors have lessened and my beautiful little boy is returning to his normal self. He loves his life in Kansas. He is much happier here than he was in California. I think he appreciates having his family.
After dinner, I sit him in my lap and wrap my arms around him. We sit there for an hour or so watching PBS Sprout (Noddy and Thomas the Tank Engine). I hate that Nathan is watching so much tv but it's the comfort he needs to get through these tough days. Nathan is also very clingy and me sitting with my arms around him provides him assurance.
His teachers tell me he is doing well at school. I see he is learning a lot. There is a lot of anxiety and anger over the move and seeing a separation of mommy and daddy, which is resulting in some biting/fighting issues at school. I explained the situation to his school and they are very understanding. As I write this in March, all school behavior issues are resolved.
There were many things that happened in February that brought us hope. Our furniture finally arrived and we were no longer living in an empty house. But before that, we learned we got a court date- March 15th. It was a month away but it was going to be over soon. And the best Valentine's Day present ever, Keyoor called me the night before and told me he would be in Kansas in the morning, permanently. Hooray. We were going to be a family again, living in a house filled with our things, and a light at the end of tunnel - a court date. Life was finally improving in.
For Nathan, he still wasn't convinced that Daddy and Mommy were sticking around. He threw lots of tantrums and the constant tv watching and candy was the only that would calm him. But as the month went on and as I write this in March, the tantrums are gone. The bad behaviors have lessened and my beautiful little boy is returning to his normal self. He loves his life in Kansas. He is much happier here than he was in California. I think he appreciates having his family.
3/11/10
January: Winter Blues
On January 2nd, 2010 I hopped on a plane at 6am with my two suitcases and fly away from all I knew and loved. Goodbye home, goodbye friends, goodbye family, goodbye MEC (my company), goodbye Lexus, goodbye life as I know it. The hardest goodbye of all of these was to the loves of life, my hubby and my baby. We finally got a child after 12 years of married life and now I had to say goodbye to him. I know it's not forever, but when I boarded that plane I had no idea when I would be back or when I would see Nathan or Keyoor again. If you noticed, I keep saying I and my. Nathan and Keyoor could not move thanks to the absurd adoption laws in California. Until we finalized Nathan's adoption they could not move. And so we lived apart as a family.
I moved to middle of nowhere Kansas and found a house to rent. It was during a snowstorm. It was worst week. Trying to drive in the snow, scrape ice off the car, shovel the driveway, walk without slipping, trying to stay warm and not get frostbite, finding a neighbor to come help me got my car out which was stuck in a snowdrift. So hard. I cried and cried. Every day I came home to an empty house. No belongings, no furniture, no loved ones. No technology either.
The worst was not what was happening to me or Keyoor but what was happening to Nathan. After three weeks I did a quick trip home. Got in on Saturday and left on Sunday. My outgoing active baby was depressed. Of course he was happy to see me. But I could see the toll this separation had on him. All he wanted to do was sit on the sofa and watch Polar Express. I think it reminded him of happier times (remember Christmas). He no longer wanted to play or be a healthy eater. It was eat emmys (m&ms) and watch Choo-Choo. His face no longer glowed with happiness. He was depressed and angry. Keyoor says he has been like this since I left.
There was still no end in sight for when the adoption would be finalized. Our agency sent all the necessary reports to the Sacramento Family Court at the beginning of January. Every week Keyoor would take a day off work and spend the day at the court trying to get them to issue us a court. No luck.
After seeing Nathan that weekend I couldn't stand to see his pain. My mother suggested I bring him to Kansas and she would come stay with me and help take care of him. The Monday I got back I found daycare. A wonderful school called Kids R Kids. The following weekend Keyoor brought Nathan to Kansas to stay. My mom came out and Keyoor left. We decided that once we get the court date Keyoor would move. So every week Keyoor continued to go to the courthouse and every week he was told to come back next week. And so January ended with me, my mom, and Nathan in Kansas. Keyoor still in California. It so makes me mad that a system that is suppose to look at welfare of the child could care less about Nathan's suffering from being separated. No matter how many times Keyoor explained it to the court, they did not care. Shame on you Sacramento Family Court. Shame on you.
I moved to middle of nowhere Kansas and found a house to rent. It was during a snowstorm. It was worst week. Trying to drive in the snow, scrape ice off the car, shovel the driveway, walk without slipping, trying to stay warm and not get frostbite, finding a neighbor to come help me got my car out which was stuck in a snowdrift. So hard. I cried and cried. Every day I came home to an empty house. No belongings, no furniture, no loved ones. No technology either.
The worst was not what was happening to me or Keyoor but what was happening to Nathan. After three weeks I did a quick trip home. Got in on Saturday and left on Sunday. My outgoing active baby was depressed. Of course he was happy to see me. But I could see the toll this separation had on him. All he wanted to do was sit on the sofa and watch Polar Express. I think it reminded him of happier times (remember Christmas). He no longer wanted to play or be a healthy eater. It was eat emmys (m&ms) and watch Choo-Choo. His face no longer glowed with happiness. He was depressed and angry. Keyoor says he has been like this since I left.
There was still no end in sight for when the adoption would be finalized. Our agency sent all the necessary reports to the Sacramento Family Court at the beginning of January. Every week Keyoor would take a day off work and spend the day at the court trying to get them to issue us a court. No luck.
After seeing Nathan that weekend I couldn't stand to see his pain. My mother suggested I bring him to Kansas and she would come stay with me and help take care of him. The Monday I got back I found daycare. A wonderful school called Kids R Kids. The following weekend Keyoor brought Nathan to Kansas to stay. My mom came out and Keyoor left. We decided that once we get the court date Keyoor would move. So every week Keyoor continued to go to the courthouse and every week he was told to come back next week. And so January ended with me, my mom, and Nathan in Kansas. Keyoor still in California. It so makes me mad that a system that is suppose to look at welfare of the child could care less about Nathan's suffering from being separated. No matter how many times Keyoor explained it to the court, they did not care. Shame on you Sacramento Family Court. Shame on you.
December: Can you say BUSY
This was a crazy month. Holiday season is always hectic but throw into that Nathan’s first Christmas with us, his first birthday with us ( he turned two), lots of family in town for the occasion, and to top it off, I decided to accept a job and had two weeks to pack up and move to Kansas. Yes you read it write. Goodbye California hello Kansas.
As crazy and stressful as it was, December was a fun month. This was the first time we got a live Christmas tree. Yet another dream come true for me. Nathan and I would just sit on the stairs watching the lights. We even decorated the outside of the house. Do you know we never really did that in the past? But we went all out for Nathan’s first Christmas. He loved looking at the decorations. In Folsom, we are so lucky in that there is town Tree Lighting Ceremony and Santa comes by your house in his sleigh. Nathan was in awe of it all.
My parents and sister Manali came for the holidays. On Christmas Eve we drove down to the bay area for our annual Christmas Eve party at my cousin Mayank’s house. This year was even more special because my long awaited dream came true, Nathan was here. Nothing beats seeing Christmas through the eyes of a child. Nathan loved it. With so many cousins around, who wouldn’t be laughing and playing all the time. On Christmas morning, Nathan opened his first presents. He didn’t quite get the concept but as the days went on, multiple birthday celebrations, he knew what to do.
After opening a few presents in the bay area, we drove back home so Nathan could open the roomful of presents he had waiting for him. There were so many presents. My parents, sisters, cousins, friends, and Nathan’s Uncle Gary and Aunt Katherine, went above and beyond to make sure Nathan had a Christmas he wouldn’t forget.
The next day was the Nathan’s family birthday party. My cousins from the bay area drove up and my cousin from San Diego and his family showed up as well. My Aunts and Uncles from India were also present. A house full of people. Nathan loved it. We had his favorite foods and I even baked him a cake. You have to see the December pictures. Nathan grandparents in India sent him the most beautiful Indian outfit to wear at the party. Nathan looked like a prince. Absolutely gorgeous.
The next day the party continued. We had a party for Nathan and his friends at Mountain Mike’s Pizza. He wore the suit that my parents got him. He wore it for a short time, until he got an anxiety attack and had to change clothes. Read between the lines, I’m trying not to be graphic here. Nathan was starting to like Choo Choo trains and so his cake was a Thomas the Tank Engine cake.
That night we watched Polar Express on TV. Nathan never watches TV but that evening he sat on the couch with Keyoor and me, right in the middle and watched the movie. I didn’t realize the significance of this until January. Read my January blog when I write it to see how important this event was in Nathan’s life.
Almost forgot, about Mid-December we had our last post placement visit with the social worker. Now we were done with all the requirements for finalizing Nathan’s adoption. This last visit was at Camiliss’ house instead of ours. She wanted to see how Nathan would do in an unfamiliar environment. Again Nathan came through with flying colors. He may be a brat at home, but at other people’s houses, he is on his best behavior. He did not touch anything he wasn’t supposed to. I know he was dying to touch her beautiful tree with the cars and the soccer ball on it. But like the well manner boy he can be, he just stared in amazement.
We ended the month with another of my favorite holidays – New Years. A time to reflect on the past and look forward to the future. It was our first new year’s as a family. I would have allowed Nathan to stay up till midnight, but like all families with kids, we celebrated East Coast New Year’s with Nathan and then off to bed he went. My parents and hubby and I enjoyed a yummy dinner from Taandori Nights and watched an Indian movie. Wrung in the New Year with Champagne and then good night.
This was a bittersweet New Years. It was a good bye to the past. Because January 2nd I hopped on a plane to begin our new life in Kansas. More to come in my January blog on the transition to Midwest life.
Rajal
As crazy and stressful as it was, December was a fun month. This was the first time we got a live Christmas tree. Yet another dream come true for me. Nathan and I would just sit on the stairs watching the lights. We even decorated the outside of the house. Do you know we never really did that in the past? But we went all out for Nathan’s first Christmas. He loved looking at the decorations. In Folsom, we are so lucky in that there is town Tree Lighting Ceremony and Santa comes by your house in his sleigh. Nathan was in awe of it all.
My parents and sister Manali came for the holidays. On Christmas Eve we drove down to the bay area for our annual Christmas Eve party at my cousin Mayank’s house. This year was even more special because my long awaited dream came true, Nathan was here. Nothing beats seeing Christmas through the eyes of a child. Nathan loved it. With so many cousins around, who wouldn’t be laughing and playing all the time. On Christmas morning, Nathan opened his first presents. He didn’t quite get the concept but as the days went on, multiple birthday celebrations, he knew what to do.
After opening a few presents in the bay area, we drove back home so Nathan could open the roomful of presents he had waiting for him. There were so many presents. My parents, sisters, cousins, friends, and Nathan’s Uncle Gary and Aunt Katherine, went above and beyond to make sure Nathan had a Christmas he wouldn’t forget.
The next day was the Nathan’s family birthday party. My cousins from the bay area drove up and my cousin from San Diego and his family showed up as well. My Aunts and Uncles from India were also present. A house full of people. Nathan loved it. We had his favorite foods and I even baked him a cake. You have to see the December pictures. Nathan grandparents in India sent him the most beautiful Indian outfit to wear at the party. Nathan looked like a prince. Absolutely gorgeous.
The next day the party continued. We had a party for Nathan and his friends at Mountain Mike’s Pizza. He wore the suit that my parents got him. He wore it for a short time, until he got an anxiety attack and had to change clothes. Read between the lines, I’m trying not to be graphic here. Nathan was starting to like Choo Choo trains and so his cake was a Thomas the Tank Engine cake.
That night we watched Polar Express on TV. Nathan never watches TV but that evening he sat on the couch with Keyoor and me, right in the middle and watched the movie. I didn’t realize the significance of this until January. Read my January blog when I write it to see how important this event was in Nathan’s life.
Almost forgot, about Mid-December we had our last post placement visit with the social worker. Now we were done with all the requirements for finalizing Nathan’s adoption. This last visit was at Camiliss’ house instead of ours. She wanted to see how Nathan would do in an unfamiliar environment. Again Nathan came through with flying colors. He may be a brat at home, but at other people’s houses, he is on his best behavior. He did not touch anything he wasn’t supposed to. I know he was dying to touch her beautiful tree with the cars and the soccer ball on it. But like the well manner boy he can be, he just stared in amazement.
We ended the month with another of my favorite holidays – New Years. A time to reflect on the past and look forward to the future. It was our first new year’s as a family. I would have allowed Nathan to stay up till midnight, but like all families with kids, we celebrated East Coast New Year’s with Nathan and then off to bed he went. My parents and hubby and I enjoyed a yummy dinner from Taandori Nights and watched an Indian movie. Wrung in the New Year with Champagne and then good night.
This was a bittersweet New Years. It was a good bye to the past. Because January 2nd I hopped on a plane to begin our new life in Kansas. More to come in my January blog on the transition to Midwest life.
Rajal
3/4/10
Hello November Goodbye Hair
November is one of my favorite months because it kicks off the holiday season with my favorite holiday - Thanksgiving. I love getting the family together and cooking a traditional Thanksgiving meal. I insist on doing all the cooking and for the most part make everything from scratch. This year it was going to be a challenge with Nathan. How was I going to get it all done?
My husband is not a fan of turkey and always asking that we replace it was ham, as in honeybaked ham. This was the year his wish came true. I wanted to have Thanksgiving, after all it was Nathan's first. But I knew couldn't do it all. So Honeybaked Ham instead of turkey. Basic recipes instead of fancy food network recipes. Minimal side dishes and yes, perish the thought, store bought pumpkin pie. My nephew Ricky would have been so disappointed with the lack of gourmet cuisine, but luckily and sadly he did not come for Thanksgiving. Stayed at grad school instead. My sister Manali decide not to drive up from So Cal. Also missing this year were paternal grandparents, who were in India, and Umesh kaka (uncle) and Varsha kaki (aunt) who were in Michigan. But the rest of enjoyed it despite the absences since Nathan was the main attraction.
Before we began with the Thanksgiving celebration, we performed Nathan's Mundan Ceremony. A mundan ceremony is Hindu rite in which a child receives his first haircut. They ceremony is performed before the child turns 2 or after they turn 3. The child's hair is shaven off to signify freedom the past and moving into the future. The hair is then offered to a priest for him to bless. We actual sent the lock of hair to India for Nathan's grandparents to take to the temple to have it blessed by a priest.
In Nathan's case we only grew his hair out for a few months. The ceremony is performed by a foi (aunt - specifically one of Keyoor's sisters). Nathan's Ritafoi performed the ceremony. She only did a symbolic cutting of hair. The next day we took him for a crew cut. Thought about making him bald but what if his hair grew back funny.
Nathan wore a traditional Krishna outfit that my Ketki masi (aunt - Mom's sister) sent from India. He looked so cute. You know Nathan means Lord Krishna. Certainly he is as mischievous. Check out my November pictures to see how cute he looked.
After the ceremony it was time to chow down. Each Thanksgiving we go around the table and say what we are thankful for. As no suprise everyone was thankful that Nathan was finally home. Nathan loves to eat so he enjoyed all the food. Again check out the November pictures to see how he enjoyed the day. I think he know it was all about him.
It was the perfect day. See the December pictures if you want to see Nathan with a crew cut.
My husband is not a fan of turkey and always asking that we replace it was ham, as in honeybaked ham. This was the year his wish came true. I wanted to have Thanksgiving, after all it was Nathan's first. But I knew couldn't do it all. So Honeybaked Ham instead of turkey. Basic recipes instead of fancy food network recipes. Minimal side dishes and yes, perish the thought, store bought pumpkin pie. My nephew Ricky would have been so disappointed with the lack of gourmet cuisine, but luckily and sadly he did not come for Thanksgiving. Stayed at grad school instead. My sister Manali decide not to drive up from So Cal. Also missing this year were paternal grandparents, who were in India, and Umesh kaka (uncle) and Varsha kaki (aunt) who were in Michigan. But the rest of enjoyed it despite the absences since Nathan was the main attraction.
Before we began with the Thanksgiving celebration, we performed Nathan's Mundan Ceremony. A mundan ceremony is Hindu rite in which a child receives his first haircut. They ceremony is performed before the child turns 2 or after they turn 3. The child's hair is shaven off to signify freedom the past and moving into the future. The hair is then offered to a priest for him to bless. We actual sent the lock of hair to India for Nathan's grandparents to take to the temple to have it blessed by a priest.
In Nathan's case we only grew his hair out for a few months. The ceremony is performed by a foi (aunt - specifically one of Keyoor's sisters). Nathan's Ritafoi performed the ceremony. She only did a symbolic cutting of hair. The next day we took him for a crew cut. Thought about making him bald but what if his hair grew back funny.
Nathan wore a traditional Krishna outfit that my Ketki masi (aunt - Mom's sister) sent from India. He looked so cute. You know Nathan means Lord Krishna. Certainly he is as mischievous. Check out my November pictures to see how cute he looked.
After the ceremony it was time to chow down. Each Thanksgiving we go around the table and say what we are thankful for. As no suprise everyone was thankful that Nathan was finally home. Nathan loves to eat so he enjoyed all the food. Again check out the November pictures to see how he enjoyed the day. I think he know it was all about him.
It was the perfect day. See the December pictures if you want to see Nathan with a crew cut.
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