This blog is titled Journey to Our Child. It was always intended to be about each of our adoptions. Nathan is now our child, not our adopted child. Although we have always led our life as an open book, we have decided to keep the details of our next adoption private.
Thank you to all those who have read my blog over the years. Special thanks to those readers who have emailed me thanking me for sharing my tale and providing them with inspiration to adopt a child.
Writing this blog allowed me to keep track of my adoption journey. It is my letter to Nathan, my beautiful child who I love more than life itself.
With that I say goodbye. This is my final blog entry.
Rajal
7/27/10
Why
When I started the blog last year I did so towards the end our adoption process. With our next adoption I wanted to start it at the beginning. Back in June I announced that we wanted to adopt another child. We are still in the planning stages and in the money gathering stage.
Adoption is a long process. From the time you decide you want to adopt and have the funds, to the time you get a child in the home, it is a minimum of 2 years. At least that’s how long it took us to get Nathan. There are also age limits on adoption. What counts is your age when you get the child in your possession. We are already pushing the age limit on international adoption.
Adoption is prohibitedly expensive. It is not $2000 or even $20,000. It’s far more than that. And so families hold yard sales, bake sales, fundraising dinners, put donation boxes at parties, send out letters requesting donations and post donate buttons on their blogs. That’s what I did. I put a donate button on my blog and added a tag line to my email: “We want to adopt another baby! Please help us change a child's life. You can help by donating at www.keyraj.blogspot.com”
A friend of mine said it best, “donate to an orphanage you feed a child for a day. Help a family adopt a child and you change a child’s life for life.”
I could not hold fundraising dinners or yard sales because I live in a state where I don’t really know anyone. If I was still living in California surrounded by family and friends I could do those things. I admit I was going to send out donation request letters at holiday time. That’s what we do in the adoption world. We depend on family and friends and the kindness of strangers to help us get a child.
When you are in the adoption world, your understanding of what is acceptable differs from that of a woman who can effortlessly carry a child. There is desperation in you that no one who hasn’t been there can possibly understand.
I don’t consider what I am doing to be begging. I am doing what I need to do to get my son a brother or sister. I have faith in God that he will bring me another child, just like he brought me my Nathan. This is all for Nathan. Every child needs a sibling or two.
Adoption is a long process. From the time you decide you want to adopt and have the funds, to the time you get a child in the home, it is a minimum of 2 years. At least that’s how long it took us to get Nathan. There are also age limits on adoption. What counts is your age when you get the child in your possession. We are already pushing the age limit on international adoption.
Adoption is prohibitedly expensive. It is not $2000 or even $20,000. It’s far more than that. And so families hold yard sales, bake sales, fundraising dinners, put donation boxes at parties, send out letters requesting donations and post donate buttons on their blogs. That’s what I did. I put a donate button on my blog and added a tag line to my email: “We want to adopt another baby! Please help us change a child's life. You can help by donating at www.keyraj.blogspot.com”
A friend of mine said it best, “donate to an orphanage you feed a child for a day. Help a family adopt a child and you change a child’s life for life.”
I could not hold fundraising dinners or yard sales because I live in a state where I don’t really know anyone. If I was still living in California surrounded by family and friends I could do those things. I admit I was going to send out donation request letters at holiday time. That’s what we do in the adoption world. We depend on family and friends and the kindness of strangers to help us get a child.
When you are in the adoption world, your understanding of what is acceptable differs from that of a woman who can effortlessly carry a child. There is desperation in you that no one who hasn’t been there can possibly understand.
I don’t consider what I am doing to be begging. I am doing what I need to do to get my son a brother or sister. I have faith in God that he will bring me another child, just like he brought me my Nathan. This is all for Nathan. Every child needs a sibling or two.
6/25/10
A Sibling For Nathan
Did you see the PayPal link on our blog? We are raising money for our next adoption. When we adopted Nathan, we had the means to pay for it all ourselves. Unfortunately, our financial situation has changed and in order for us to adopt another child, we are dependent on donations. Please note these donations are NOT tax deductible. If the lack of tax deduction is preventing you from donating, get in touch with me, I can make arrangements.
I have no additional details on the adoption as we are not yet starting the process. Until we get the money together that we need, we are not going to start. After all, no point in starting if we can't afford to finish.
Nathan really wants a sibling. I see how well Nathan plays with kids that come to our house. He loves other children and plays so nicely with them. The three of us work well together as a family and we are ready to expand our family. We love our son so much and are eager to open our hearts to another child.
Our agency sends us pictures of waiting children. Keyoor and I want each child we see. Brenda, our contact at our adoption agency, keeps asking, are we ready yet? My answer is always, our hearts are ready but our bank account isn't.
Won't you help us give Nathan a sibling? Any amount is appreciated. Even $1 makes a difference.
Rajal and Keyoor ( and Nathan too)
I have no additional details on the adoption as we are not yet starting the process. Until we get the money together that we need, we are not going to start. After all, no point in starting if we can't afford to finish.
Nathan really wants a sibling. I see how well Nathan plays with kids that come to our house. He loves other children and plays so nicely with them. The three of us work well together as a family and we are ready to expand our family. We love our son so much and are eager to open our hearts to another child.
Our agency sends us pictures of waiting children. Keyoor and I want each child we see. Brenda, our contact at our adoption agency, keeps asking, are we ready yet? My answer is always, our hearts are ready but our bank account isn't.
Won't you help us give Nathan a sibling? Any amount is appreciated. Even $1 makes a difference.
Rajal and Keyoor ( and Nathan too)
5/24/10
Yahoo Groups - Letting Go
In my attempt to start seeing my child as my child and not my adopted child, I have to let go of my yahoo groups. This is immensely difficult especially in this year when I have had to give up many things and people that I loved. As for the things I gave up, those were material and I will someday get them back, if not, I know that material things are immaterial in the narrow path to spiritual happiness. As for the people, I did not really give them up; we just happened to move to different state. It's rough but we stay in touch through phone calls, visits, and the internet.
Back to my yahoo groups; I belong to two of them. There is one that is comprised of people of my adoption agency. I call this my happy group. Everyone is always hopeful and pleasant. It is a group that rejoices in good news. This group I will remain a part of since the focus is always on the adoption process and not adoption issues per se. I'm a reference for my agency, so I like to keep on top of what's going on with the waiting families. That is why I will remain an active member of this group.
My other yahoo group is my nri.ichild group; I will refer to it as my yahoo group. There are many ichild groups and this one in particular is for people of Indian descent adopting from India. If you are interested in adopting from India, join one of the ichild yahoo groups. My yahoo group is my lifeline. For the past few years I have been an active member of this group. They have held my hand, wiped my tears, cheered me on, and been my best friends and my family. This group is an immense wealth of knowledge and love. From day one, I could talk to them about things that only they would understand. They understood the agony of the wait to have a child, to hold a child. For every issue encountered or milestone achieved, they have been there for me. And likewise, I have been there for them. These aren't just my yahoo friends, many have become my facebook friends, and many have become my real friends for life. We exchange emails, phone calls, and we have even met in person. Through our experiences and our children we have formed a bond.
My yahoo group has been a regular part of my life for the past several years. It was through this group that I found Nathan. A member of the group had emailed that her agency had a child available for anyone who was ready with their immigration approvals. I replied to the email and literally overnight I had a son. Thank God for this yahoo group who helped bring me my son. I in turn did the same for other families. That's what we do in my yahoo group; we stick together and help each other out.
So how do I detach myself from this group? And why? I have to, because I will always see every issue that Nathan experiences as an adoption issue and not a toddler issue until I move past the adoption. This group keeps me tied to the adoption and it's time I moved on. One simple way I have let go of the group, is by changing the group settings from receiving emails constantly to receiving them once a day in a digest format. Once I get used to that, I will change it to receiving no emails. I don't plan on unsubscribing because someday (hopefully soon) we will begin our next adoption.
Letting go of my yahoo group does not mean I am letting go of the friends I have made through that group. They are my friends forever. All of who adopt, share a lifelong bond. And I hope our children will too.
Back to my yahoo groups; I belong to two of them. There is one that is comprised of people of my adoption agency. I call this my happy group. Everyone is always hopeful and pleasant. It is a group that rejoices in good news. This group I will remain a part of since the focus is always on the adoption process and not adoption issues per se. I'm a reference for my agency, so I like to keep on top of what's going on with the waiting families. That is why I will remain an active member of this group.
My other yahoo group is my nri.ichild group; I will refer to it as my yahoo group. There are many ichild groups and this one in particular is for people of Indian descent adopting from India. If you are interested in adopting from India, join one of the ichild yahoo groups. My yahoo group is my lifeline. For the past few years I have been an active member of this group. They have held my hand, wiped my tears, cheered me on, and been my best friends and my family. This group is an immense wealth of knowledge and love. From day one, I could talk to them about things that only they would understand. They understood the agony of the wait to have a child, to hold a child. For every issue encountered or milestone achieved, they have been there for me. And likewise, I have been there for them. These aren't just my yahoo friends, many have become my facebook friends, and many have become my real friends for life. We exchange emails, phone calls, and we have even met in person. Through our experiences and our children we have formed a bond.
My yahoo group has been a regular part of my life for the past several years. It was through this group that I found Nathan. A member of the group had emailed that her agency had a child available for anyone who was ready with their immigration approvals. I replied to the email and literally overnight I had a son. Thank God for this yahoo group who helped bring me my son. I in turn did the same for other families. That's what we do in my yahoo group; we stick together and help each other out.
So how do I detach myself from this group? And why? I have to, because I will always see every issue that Nathan experiences as an adoption issue and not a toddler issue until I move past the adoption. This group keeps me tied to the adoption and it's time I moved on. One simple way I have let go of the group, is by changing the group settings from receiving emails constantly to receiving them once a day in a digest format. Once I get used to that, I will change it to receiving no emails. I don't plan on unsubscribing because someday (hopefully soon) we will begin our next adoption.
Letting go of my yahoo group does not mean I am letting go of the friends I have made through that group. They are my friends forever. All of who adopt, share a lifelong bond. And I hope our children will too.
5/18/10
My child not my adoptive child
When you are an adoptive parent, you see your child's actions through the veil of adoption. What a parent takes for granted as normal toddler behavior, an adoptive parent sees as an adoption issue.
For example, when Nathan was biting and hitting in school, I insisted that it was him coming to terms with his adoption. I even called our adoption agency and they too agreed it could be that. Lots of adoptive kids display anger to test you to see if you are in it for the long haul. I then spoke with the head of Nathan's school, and explained to him how this is an adoption issue. He disagreed; he said it's a normal two year old issue. I then spoke to the school's child psychologist (Nathan goes to a private school so there is one on staff). To appease me she said they keep in mind that Nathan's adopted and give him some leeway, but hitting and biting is typical toddler behavior. Hmmm...
Another flaw of adoptive parents is that you are always trying to find their delays and weaknesses and find the adoptive cure for them. For example, Nathan doesn't talk yet. This is a point of worry and frustration for me. He says lots of sentences but not with any consistency or clarity. Every parent keeps telling me how their child did not talk to 3.That's fine for them, but my child's adopted. As time passes and my panic grows, I finally break down and call the Kansas Children's Mercy Hospital's Adoption Clinic. Here they have specialists on hand to deal with the special needs of adoptive children. I called and explained the situation to the nurse. The conversation went like this:
Nurse: What did his pediatrician say?
Me: He said that's normal and not to worry about it.
Nurse: You don't believe him?
Me: What he said is true for other kids, but mine is adoption. What does he know about the special needs of adoptive kids?
Nurse: Does your son have other issues?
Me: No, he's perfectly healthy.
Nurse: So why do you think not talking is an adoption issue?
Me: Because he's adopted. Maybe he has psychological scarring or maybe he as weak facial muscles that prevent him from speaking.
Nurse: Or maybe he is just a normal two year old boy who has other great communication skills and therefore is a delayed talker.
Me: Oh
Nurse: All you adoptive parents see every issue as an adoption issue. Trying seeing your child, as your child and not your adoptive child.
Me: Are you sure it's not an adoption issue?
Nurse: Yes, not talking at age 2 is normal. There is no issue. He's a child, not an adoptive child.
With that I decided she was right. I need to see my son as a toddler and not an adoptive toddler. And so I am making a diligent effort to break away from the ties that bind me to the adoption. More on that in my next blog entry.
Rajal
For example, when Nathan was biting and hitting in school, I insisted that it was him coming to terms with his adoption. I even called our adoption agency and they too agreed it could be that. Lots of adoptive kids display anger to test you to see if you are in it for the long haul. I then spoke with the head of Nathan's school, and explained to him how this is an adoption issue. He disagreed; he said it's a normal two year old issue. I then spoke to the school's child psychologist (Nathan goes to a private school so there is one on staff). To appease me she said they keep in mind that Nathan's adopted and give him some leeway, but hitting and biting is typical toddler behavior. Hmmm...
Another flaw of adoptive parents is that you are always trying to find their delays and weaknesses and find the adoptive cure for them. For example, Nathan doesn't talk yet. This is a point of worry and frustration for me. He says lots of sentences but not with any consistency or clarity. Every parent keeps telling me how their child did not talk to 3.That's fine for them, but my child's adopted. As time passes and my panic grows, I finally break down and call the Kansas Children's Mercy Hospital's Adoption Clinic. Here they have specialists on hand to deal with the special needs of adoptive children. I called and explained the situation to the nurse. The conversation went like this:
Nurse: What did his pediatrician say?
Me: He said that's normal and not to worry about it.
Nurse: You don't believe him?
Me: What he said is true for other kids, but mine is adoption. What does he know about the special needs of adoptive kids?
Nurse: Does your son have other issues?
Me: No, he's perfectly healthy.
Nurse: So why do you think not talking is an adoption issue?
Me: Because he's adopted. Maybe he has psychological scarring or maybe he as weak facial muscles that prevent him from speaking.
Nurse: Or maybe he is just a normal two year old boy who has other great communication skills and therefore is a delayed talker.
Me: Oh
Nurse: All you adoptive parents see every issue as an adoption issue. Trying seeing your child, as your child and not your adoptive child.
Me: Are you sure it's not an adoption issue?
Nurse: Yes, not talking at age 2 is normal. There is no issue. He's a child, not an adoptive child.
With that I decided she was right. I need to see my son as a toddler and not an adoptive toddler. And so I am making a diligent effort to break away from the ties that bind me to the adoption. More on that in my next blog entry.
Rajal
4/14/10
One year anniversary
Today is our 1 year anniversary of GOTCHA Day. That's the day we took physical custody of Nathan.
On Gotcha Day Nathan was 15 months old and wearing a size 9 months. Today he is 2 years old and wearing a size 2T. He is healthy, active, social and most of all loving and generous. He goes through many of the issues other adoptive kids face, anxiety issues and anger issues. We patiently work through them.
And here is my big boy now. This was taken at Easter when my sister Rina and her hubby Randy visited. Nathan loves Randymasa (aka Uncle Randy).
The picture to the left is the first picture we ever got of Nathan. It was his referrral picture. The picture to the right is the first Nathan and daddy picture.
It was the first time Keyoor held Nathan on Gotcha Day.
It was the first time Keyoor held Nathan on Gotcha Day.
In honor of that, I posted pictures of Nathan from the past year. I posted Nathan's referral picture, his Gotcha Day picture, and various pictures throughout the year. You will see from these, what a difference nutritional food and a loving home environment make in a child's life.
It hasn't been an easy year for many reasons, but being mommy and daddy to Nathan has made it the best year.
This picture won a grouchy kid radio contest
The picture above is Nathan enjoying summer. The picture below is typical cuteness.
This is Nathan dressed as his namesake Lord Krishna for the Mundan ceremony.
Here is Nathan all dressed up for his birthday. Nathan turned 2.
And here is my big boy now. This was taken at Easter when my sister Rina and her hubby Randy visited. Nathan loves Randymasa (aka Uncle Randy).Love will make a child grow, said Nathan's pediatrician. The proof in the pictures.
-Rajal
4/13/10
Happy Anniversary to Me and my Hubby
April 12th was mine and Keyoor's 13th wedding anniversary. It was such a special one because Nathan was here with us. I remember all the years on our anniversary we would say next year we will have a child. And next year would come and still no child.
Last year on anniversary we travelled to India to pick up Nathan. It was actually our 12th anniversary and as the clock struck midnight to usher in the 12th of April, we board a plane to bring our baby home. Even now, a year later, I'm tearing up while writing this. What a magical experience that was. (more on that in my next blog entry)
But this year, being home with our son, that was by far the best. We sat on the sofa and told Nathan all about it, how we spent our anniversary on the plane last year, how we prayed each year to have a child, and how God answered our prayers with the most perfect child.
Nathan was destined to be ours. I think that of each of our adoption group friends and their children. If you see each child and their parents, you know that it's a perfect fit. It's amazing how these children take on the looks and mannerisms of their parents.
The other day, Keyoor's mom called and wanted to know if Nathan likes to walk around the house signing. Oh yes and not just around the house. The other day we were in Kohls (where I love to shop for everything especially Nathan's clothes) and Nathan is singing while I change his diaper in the restroom. Back to Nani. She said Keyoor did the same when he was that age. It's a bit scary sometimes how Nathan is exactly like Keyoor. One of the childhood stories I always here about Keyoor is that he loved to ride his bike super fast. Nathan doesn't know how to ride a bike yet, but Nathan runs so crazily fast that we can barely keep up with him. The other day we went to the lake and Nathan ran a good portion of the 3/4 mile round of the lake. Tiny legs but boy can he run.
Last year on anniversary we travelled to India to pick up Nathan. It was actually our 12th anniversary and as the clock struck midnight to usher in the 12th of April, we board a plane to bring our baby home. Even now, a year later, I'm tearing up while writing this. What a magical experience that was. (more on that in my next blog entry)
But this year, being home with our son, that was by far the best. We sat on the sofa and told Nathan all about it, how we spent our anniversary on the plane last year, how we prayed each year to have a child, and how God answered our prayers with the most perfect child.
Nathan was destined to be ours. I think that of each of our adoption group friends and their children. If you see each child and their parents, you know that it's a perfect fit. It's amazing how these children take on the looks and mannerisms of their parents.
The other day, Keyoor's mom called and wanted to know if Nathan likes to walk around the house signing. Oh yes and not just around the house. The other day we were in Kohls (where I love to shop for everything especially Nathan's clothes) and Nathan is singing while I change his diaper in the restroom. Back to Nani. She said Keyoor did the same when he was that age. It's a bit scary sometimes how Nathan is exactly like Keyoor. One of the childhood stories I always here about Keyoor is that he loved to ride his bike super fast. Nathan doesn't know how to ride a bike yet, but Nathan runs so crazily fast that we can barely keep up with him. The other day we went to the lake and Nathan ran a good portion of the 3/4 mile round of the lake. Tiny legs but boy can he run.
4/11/10
Court Process Continued
I just wanted to provide more details on our day in court.
We finalized Nathan's adoption in Sacramento on March 15th. The court day went smoothly. Our appt was for 8:30. At exactly that time, the bailiff called us into the courtroom. We sat a few minutes and
then were taken to the Judge's chamber for the proceedings. The Judge was so nice. He offered Nathan some m&m's and therefore Nathan was happy as could be.
The judge reviewed the India documents and asked for Form 210 and 215. Never asked for Form 230. Then he signed the forms and made his declaration that it was in the best interest of Nathan to be adopted by us. Nathan clapped and shook the Judges hand.
Amazing what a 2 year old can comprehend. I think my son knew what an important day it was because on the plane ride back to Kansas, he hugged and said "I love you mommy."
After the proceedings were over, we took pictures with the Judge and then waited for the copies of the order. By 9:00 we were all done.
What a relief it was to finally be done. It took several days for it to sink in. Since June 2007 this has been my whole life. Adoption is long expensive journey filled with thousands of pages of paperwork and so much government bureaucracy. It however is so worth it. For all those days I thought the process would never end, on March 15th it finally ended for us. Nathan is legally our child.
Afterwards, my mom sent Nathan the cutest card. It said, Congratulations Nathan on becoming a US Citizen, you can now be president someday. I have the card posted to the refrigerator so I can read it everyday.
I know finalizing the adoption is just a formality, but it is such an important one. Because until that was done, we were only known by the government as his legal guardians. Now we are known as his legal parents.
Since it's tax time, I have to add, there is an adoption credit but you can't claim it until you finalize the adoption. So we miss out on it in 2009 but we will be able to claim it in 2010.
Once I find the cord that connects the camera to the computer, I will be able to post some pictures of the ceremony. It's somewhere in the 70 plus moving boxes in our storage area.
If I haven't said so already, Thank you to all those who shared this long journey with us. We couldn't have traveled this road without your support. I hope you always remain a part of our lives, especially Nathan's life.
Rajal
We finalized Nathan's adoption in Sacramento on March 15th. The court day went smoothly. Our appt was for 8:30. At exactly that time, the bailiff called us into the courtroom. We sat a few minutes and
then were taken to the Judge's chamber for the proceedings. The Judge was so nice. He offered Nathan some m&m's and therefore Nathan was happy as could be.
The judge reviewed the India documents and asked for Form 210 and 215. Never asked for Form 230. Then he signed the forms and made his declaration that it was in the best interest of Nathan to be adopted by us. Nathan clapped and shook the Judges hand.
Amazing what a 2 year old can comprehend. I think my son knew what an important day it was because on the plane ride back to Kansas, he hugged and said "I love you mommy."
After the proceedings were over, we took pictures with the Judge and then waited for the copies of the order. By 9:00 we were all done.
What a relief it was to finally be done. It took several days for it to sink in. Since June 2007 this has been my whole life. Adoption is long expensive journey filled with thousands of pages of paperwork and so much government bureaucracy. It however is so worth it. For all those days I thought the process would never end, on March 15th it finally ended for us. Nathan is legally our child.
Afterwards, my mom sent Nathan the cutest card. It said, Congratulations Nathan on becoming a US Citizen, you can now be president someday. I have the card posted to the refrigerator so I can read it everyday.
I know finalizing the adoption is just a formality, but it is such an important one. Because until that was done, we were only known by the government as his legal guardians. Now we are known as his legal parents.
Since it's tax time, I have to add, there is an adoption credit but you can't claim it until you finalize the adoption. So we miss out on it in 2009 but we will be able to claim it in 2010.
Once I find the cord that connects the camera to the computer, I will be able to post some pictures of the ceremony. It's somewhere in the 70 plus moving boxes in our storage area.
If I haven't said so already, Thank you to all those who shared this long journey with us. We couldn't have traveled this road without your support. I hope you always remain a part of our lives, especially Nathan's life.
Rajal
3/17/10
All Done as Nathan would say
Just a quick post to let everyone know we all done with the court process. Nathan's adoption was finalized in California on March 15th, 2010. Nearly 3 years after we started our adoption journey, we are finished. Hooray for Nathan Keyoor Mankad, US Citizen, and legal son of Keyoor and Rajal Mankad. And hooray for Nathan's mommy and daddy for having such a perfect child. We are so lucky. Thank you God for blessing us with our son.
I'll write more about the court process later.
Rajal
I'll write more about the court process later.
Rajal
3/16/10
February - I see the light
Things are finally getting better. Now that Nathan is living with me I see he is slowly returning to normal. Every day we come home and ear the wonderful food my mom has waiting for us. My mother is spoiling Nathan with all her good food and the special dishes she makes just for him.
After dinner, I sit him in my lap and wrap my arms around him. We sit there for an hour or so watching PBS Sprout (Noddy and Thomas the Tank Engine). I hate that Nathan is watching so much tv but it's the comfort he needs to get through these tough days. Nathan is also very clingy and me sitting with my arms around him provides him assurance.
His teachers tell me he is doing well at school. I see he is learning a lot. There is a lot of anxiety and anger over the move and seeing a separation of mommy and daddy, which is resulting in some biting/fighting issues at school. I explained the situation to his school and they are very understanding. As I write this in March, all school behavior issues are resolved.
There were many things that happened in February that brought us hope. Our furniture finally arrived and we were no longer living in an empty house. But before that, we learned we got a court date- March 15th. It was a month away but it was going to be over soon. And the best Valentine's Day present ever, Keyoor called me the night before and told me he would be in Kansas in the morning, permanently. Hooray. We were going to be a family again, living in a house filled with our things, and a light at the end of tunnel - a court date. Life was finally improving in.
For Nathan, he still wasn't convinced that Daddy and Mommy were sticking around. He threw lots of tantrums and the constant tv watching and candy was the only that would calm him. But as the month went on and as I write this in March, the tantrums are gone. The bad behaviors have lessened and my beautiful little boy is returning to his normal self. He loves his life in Kansas. He is much happier here than he was in California. I think he appreciates having his family.
After dinner, I sit him in my lap and wrap my arms around him. We sit there for an hour or so watching PBS Sprout (Noddy and Thomas the Tank Engine). I hate that Nathan is watching so much tv but it's the comfort he needs to get through these tough days. Nathan is also very clingy and me sitting with my arms around him provides him assurance.
His teachers tell me he is doing well at school. I see he is learning a lot. There is a lot of anxiety and anger over the move and seeing a separation of mommy and daddy, which is resulting in some biting/fighting issues at school. I explained the situation to his school and they are very understanding. As I write this in March, all school behavior issues are resolved.
There were many things that happened in February that brought us hope. Our furniture finally arrived and we were no longer living in an empty house. But before that, we learned we got a court date- March 15th. It was a month away but it was going to be over soon. And the best Valentine's Day present ever, Keyoor called me the night before and told me he would be in Kansas in the morning, permanently. Hooray. We were going to be a family again, living in a house filled with our things, and a light at the end of tunnel - a court date. Life was finally improving in.
For Nathan, he still wasn't convinced that Daddy and Mommy were sticking around. He threw lots of tantrums and the constant tv watching and candy was the only that would calm him. But as the month went on and as I write this in March, the tantrums are gone. The bad behaviors have lessened and my beautiful little boy is returning to his normal self. He loves his life in Kansas. He is much happier here than he was in California. I think he appreciates having his family.
3/11/10
January: Winter Blues
On January 2nd, 2010 I hopped on a plane at 6am with my two suitcases and fly away from all I knew and loved. Goodbye home, goodbye friends, goodbye family, goodbye MEC (my company), goodbye Lexus, goodbye life as I know it. The hardest goodbye of all of these was to the loves of life, my hubby and my baby. We finally got a child after 12 years of married life and now I had to say goodbye to him. I know it's not forever, but when I boarded that plane I had no idea when I would be back or when I would see Nathan or Keyoor again. If you noticed, I keep saying I and my. Nathan and Keyoor could not move thanks to the absurd adoption laws in California. Until we finalized Nathan's adoption they could not move. And so we lived apart as a family.
I moved to middle of nowhere Kansas and found a house to rent. It was during a snowstorm. It was worst week. Trying to drive in the snow, scrape ice off the car, shovel the driveway, walk without slipping, trying to stay warm and not get frostbite, finding a neighbor to come help me got my car out which was stuck in a snowdrift. So hard. I cried and cried. Every day I came home to an empty house. No belongings, no furniture, no loved ones. No technology either.
The worst was not what was happening to me or Keyoor but what was happening to Nathan. After three weeks I did a quick trip home. Got in on Saturday and left on Sunday. My outgoing active baby was depressed. Of course he was happy to see me. But I could see the toll this separation had on him. All he wanted to do was sit on the sofa and watch Polar Express. I think it reminded him of happier times (remember Christmas). He no longer wanted to play or be a healthy eater. It was eat emmys (m&ms) and watch Choo-Choo. His face no longer glowed with happiness. He was depressed and angry. Keyoor says he has been like this since I left.
There was still no end in sight for when the adoption would be finalized. Our agency sent all the necessary reports to the Sacramento Family Court at the beginning of January. Every week Keyoor would take a day off work and spend the day at the court trying to get them to issue us a court. No luck.
After seeing Nathan that weekend I couldn't stand to see his pain. My mother suggested I bring him to Kansas and she would come stay with me and help take care of him. The Monday I got back I found daycare. A wonderful school called Kids R Kids. The following weekend Keyoor brought Nathan to Kansas to stay. My mom came out and Keyoor left. We decided that once we get the court date Keyoor would move. So every week Keyoor continued to go to the courthouse and every week he was told to come back next week. And so January ended with me, my mom, and Nathan in Kansas. Keyoor still in California. It so makes me mad that a system that is suppose to look at welfare of the child could care less about Nathan's suffering from being separated. No matter how many times Keyoor explained it to the court, they did not care. Shame on you Sacramento Family Court. Shame on you.
I moved to middle of nowhere Kansas and found a house to rent. It was during a snowstorm. It was worst week. Trying to drive in the snow, scrape ice off the car, shovel the driveway, walk without slipping, trying to stay warm and not get frostbite, finding a neighbor to come help me got my car out which was stuck in a snowdrift. So hard. I cried and cried. Every day I came home to an empty house. No belongings, no furniture, no loved ones. No technology either.
The worst was not what was happening to me or Keyoor but what was happening to Nathan. After three weeks I did a quick trip home. Got in on Saturday and left on Sunday. My outgoing active baby was depressed. Of course he was happy to see me. But I could see the toll this separation had on him. All he wanted to do was sit on the sofa and watch Polar Express. I think it reminded him of happier times (remember Christmas). He no longer wanted to play or be a healthy eater. It was eat emmys (m&ms) and watch Choo-Choo. His face no longer glowed with happiness. He was depressed and angry. Keyoor says he has been like this since I left.
There was still no end in sight for when the adoption would be finalized. Our agency sent all the necessary reports to the Sacramento Family Court at the beginning of January. Every week Keyoor would take a day off work and spend the day at the court trying to get them to issue us a court. No luck.
After seeing Nathan that weekend I couldn't stand to see his pain. My mother suggested I bring him to Kansas and she would come stay with me and help take care of him. The Monday I got back I found daycare. A wonderful school called Kids R Kids. The following weekend Keyoor brought Nathan to Kansas to stay. My mom came out and Keyoor left. We decided that once we get the court date Keyoor would move. So every week Keyoor continued to go to the courthouse and every week he was told to come back next week. And so January ended with me, my mom, and Nathan in Kansas. Keyoor still in California. It so makes me mad that a system that is suppose to look at welfare of the child could care less about Nathan's suffering from being separated. No matter how many times Keyoor explained it to the court, they did not care. Shame on you Sacramento Family Court. Shame on you.
December: Can you say BUSY
This was a crazy month. Holiday season is always hectic but throw into that Nathan’s first Christmas with us, his first birthday with us ( he turned two), lots of family in town for the occasion, and to top it off, I decided to accept a job and had two weeks to pack up and move to Kansas. Yes you read it write. Goodbye California hello Kansas.
As crazy and stressful as it was, December was a fun month. This was the first time we got a live Christmas tree. Yet another dream come true for me. Nathan and I would just sit on the stairs watching the lights. We even decorated the outside of the house. Do you know we never really did that in the past? But we went all out for Nathan’s first Christmas. He loved looking at the decorations. In Folsom, we are so lucky in that there is town Tree Lighting Ceremony and Santa comes by your house in his sleigh. Nathan was in awe of it all.
My parents and sister Manali came for the holidays. On Christmas Eve we drove down to the bay area for our annual Christmas Eve party at my cousin Mayank’s house. This year was even more special because my long awaited dream came true, Nathan was here. Nothing beats seeing Christmas through the eyes of a child. Nathan loved it. With so many cousins around, who wouldn’t be laughing and playing all the time. On Christmas morning, Nathan opened his first presents. He didn’t quite get the concept but as the days went on, multiple birthday celebrations, he knew what to do.
After opening a few presents in the bay area, we drove back home so Nathan could open the roomful of presents he had waiting for him. There were so many presents. My parents, sisters, cousins, friends, and Nathan’s Uncle Gary and Aunt Katherine, went above and beyond to make sure Nathan had a Christmas he wouldn’t forget.
The next day was the Nathan’s family birthday party. My cousins from the bay area drove up and my cousin from San Diego and his family showed up as well. My Aunts and Uncles from India were also present. A house full of people. Nathan loved it. We had his favorite foods and I even baked him a cake. You have to see the December pictures. Nathan grandparents in India sent him the most beautiful Indian outfit to wear at the party. Nathan looked like a prince. Absolutely gorgeous.
The next day the party continued. We had a party for Nathan and his friends at Mountain Mike’s Pizza. He wore the suit that my parents got him. He wore it for a short time, until he got an anxiety attack and had to change clothes. Read between the lines, I’m trying not to be graphic here. Nathan was starting to like Choo Choo trains and so his cake was a Thomas the Tank Engine cake.
That night we watched Polar Express on TV. Nathan never watches TV but that evening he sat on the couch with Keyoor and me, right in the middle and watched the movie. I didn’t realize the significance of this until January. Read my January blog when I write it to see how important this event was in Nathan’s life.
Almost forgot, about Mid-December we had our last post placement visit with the social worker. Now we were done with all the requirements for finalizing Nathan’s adoption. This last visit was at Camiliss’ house instead of ours. She wanted to see how Nathan would do in an unfamiliar environment. Again Nathan came through with flying colors. He may be a brat at home, but at other people’s houses, he is on his best behavior. He did not touch anything he wasn’t supposed to. I know he was dying to touch her beautiful tree with the cars and the soccer ball on it. But like the well manner boy he can be, he just stared in amazement.
We ended the month with another of my favorite holidays – New Years. A time to reflect on the past and look forward to the future. It was our first new year’s as a family. I would have allowed Nathan to stay up till midnight, but like all families with kids, we celebrated East Coast New Year’s with Nathan and then off to bed he went. My parents and hubby and I enjoyed a yummy dinner from Taandori Nights and watched an Indian movie. Wrung in the New Year with Champagne and then good night.
This was a bittersweet New Years. It was a good bye to the past. Because January 2nd I hopped on a plane to begin our new life in Kansas. More to come in my January blog on the transition to Midwest life.
Rajal
As crazy and stressful as it was, December was a fun month. This was the first time we got a live Christmas tree. Yet another dream come true for me. Nathan and I would just sit on the stairs watching the lights. We even decorated the outside of the house. Do you know we never really did that in the past? But we went all out for Nathan’s first Christmas. He loved looking at the decorations. In Folsom, we are so lucky in that there is town Tree Lighting Ceremony and Santa comes by your house in his sleigh. Nathan was in awe of it all.
My parents and sister Manali came for the holidays. On Christmas Eve we drove down to the bay area for our annual Christmas Eve party at my cousin Mayank’s house. This year was even more special because my long awaited dream came true, Nathan was here. Nothing beats seeing Christmas through the eyes of a child. Nathan loved it. With so many cousins around, who wouldn’t be laughing and playing all the time. On Christmas morning, Nathan opened his first presents. He didn’t quite get the concept but as the days went on, multiple birthday celebrations, he knew what to do.
After opening a few presents in the bay area, we drove back home so Nathan could open the roomful of presents he had waiting for him. There were so many presents. My parents, sisters, cousins, friends, and Nathan’s Uncle Gary and Aunt Katherine, went above and beyond to make sure Nathan had a Christmas he wouldn’t forget.
The next day was the Nathan’s family birthday party. My cousins from the bay area drove up and my cousin from San Diego and his family showed up as well. My Aunts and Uncles from India were also present. A house full of people. Nathan loved it. We had his favorite foods and I even baked him a cake. You have to see the December pictures. Nathan grandparents in India sent him the most beautiful Indian outfit to wear at the party. Nathan looked like a prince. Absolutely gorgeous.
The next day the party continued. We had a party for Nathan and his friends at Mountain Mike’s Pizza. He wore the suit that my parents got him. He wore it for a short time, until he got an anxiety attack and had to change clothes. Read between the lines, I’m trying not to be graphic here. Nathan was starting to like Choo Choo trains and so his cake was a Thomas the Tank Engine cake.
That night we watched Polar Express on TV. Nathan never watches TV but that evening he sat on the couch with Keyoor and me, right in the middle and watched the movie. I didn’t realize the significance of this until January. Read my January blog when I write it to see how important this event was in Nathan’s life.
Almost forgot, about Mid-December we had our last post placement visit with the social worker. Now we were done with all the requirements for finalizing Nathan’s adoption. This last visit was at Camiliss’ house instead of ours. She wanted to see how Nathan would do in an unfamiliar environment. Again Nathan came through with flying colors. He may be a brat at home, but at other people’s houses, he is on his best behavior. He did not touch anything he wasn’t supposed to. I know he was dying to touch her beautiful tree with the cars and the soccer ball on it. But like the well manner boy he can be, he just stared in amazement.
We ended the month with another of my favorite holidays – New Years. A time to reflect on the past and look forward to the future. It was our first new year’s as a family. I would have allowed Nathan to stay up till midnight, but like all families with kids, we celebrated East Coast New Year’s with Nathan and then off to bed he went. My parents and hubby and I enjoyed a yummy dinner from Taandori Nights and watched an Indian movie. Wrung in the New Year with Champagne and then good night.
This was a bittersweet New Years. It was a good bye to the past. Because January 2nd I hopped on a plane to begin our new life in Kansas. More to come in my January blog on the transition to Midwest life.
Rajal
3/4/10
Hello November Goodbye Hair
November is one of my favorite months because it kicks off the holiday season with my favorite holiday - Thanksgiving. I love getting the family together and cooking a traditional Thanksgiving meal. I insist on doing all the cooking and for the most part make everything from scratch. This year it was going to be a challenge with Nathan. How was I going to get it all done?
My husband is not a fan of turkey and always asking that we replace it was ham, as in honeybaked ham. This was the year his wish came true. I wanted to have Thanksgiving, after all it was Nathan's first. But I knew couldn't do it all. So Honeybaked Ham instead of turkey. Basic recipes instead of fancy food network recipes. Minimal side dishes and yes, perish the thought, store bought pumpkin pie. My nephew Ricky would have been so disappointed with the lack of gourmet cuisine, but luckily and sadly he did not come for Thanksgiving. Stayed at grad school instead. My sister Manali decide not to drive up from So Cal. Also missing this year were paternal grandparents, who were in India, and Umesh kaka (uncle) and Varsha kaki (aunt) who were in Michigan. But the rest of enjoyed it despite the absences since Nathan was the main attraction.
Before we began with the Thanksgiving celebration, we performed Nathan's Mundan Ceremony. A mundan ceremony is Hindu rite in which a child receives his first haircut. They ceremony is performed before the child turns 2 or after they turn 3. The child's hair is shaven off to signify freedom the past and moving into the future. The hair is then offered to a priest for him to bless. We actual sent the lock of hair to India for Nathan's grandparents to take to the temple to have it blessed by a priest.
In Nathan's case we only grew his hair out for a few months. The ceremony is performed by a foi (aunt - specifically one of Keyoor's sisters). Nathan's Ritafoi performed the ceremony. She only did a symbolic cutting of hair. The next day we took him for a crew cut. Thought about making him bald but what if his hair grew back funny.
Nathan wore a traditional Krishna outfit that my Ketki masi (aunt - Mom's sister) sent from India. He looked so cute. You know Nathan means Lord Krishna. Certainly he is as mischievous. Check out my November pictures to see how cute he looked.
After the ceremony it was time to chow down. Each Thanksgiving we go around the table and say what we are thankful for. As no suprise everyone was thankful that Nathan was finally home. Nathan loves to eat so he enjoyed all the food. Again check out the November pictures to see how he enjoyed the day. I think he know it was all about him.
It was the perfect day. See the December pictures if you want to see Nathan with a crew cut.
My husband is not a fan of turkey and always asking that we replace it was ham, as in honeybaked ham. This was the year his wish came true. I wanted to have Thanksgiving, after all it was Nathan's first. But I knew couldn't do it all. So Honeybaked Ham instead of turkey. Basic recipes instead of fancy food network recipes. Minimal side dishes and yes, perish the thought, store bought pumpkin pie. My nephew Ricky would have been so disappointed with the lack of gourmet cuisine, but luckily and sadly he did not come for Thanksgiving. Stayed at grad school instead. My sister Manali decide not to drive up from So Cal. Also missing this year were paternal grandparents, who were in India, and Umesh kaka (uncle) and Varsha kaki (aunt) who were in Michigan. But the rest of enjoyed it despite the absences since Nathan was the main attraction.
Before we began with the Thanksgiving celebration, we performed Nathan's Mundan Ceremony. A mundan ceremony is Hindu rite in which a child receives his first haircut. They ceremony is performed before the child turns 2 or after they turn 3. The child's hair is shaven off to signify freedom the past and moving into the future. The hair is then offered to a priest for him to bless. We actual sent the lock of hair to India for Nathan's grandparents to take to the temple to have it blessed by a priest.
In Nathan's case we only grew his hair out for a few months. The ceremony is performed by a foi (aunt - specifically one of Keyoor's sisters). Nathan's Ritafoi performed the ceremony. She only did a symbolic cutting of hair. The next day we took him for a crew cut. Thought about making him bald but what if his hair grew back funny.
Nathan wore a traditional Krishna outfit that my Ketki masi (aunt - Mom's sister) sent from India. He looked so cute. You know Nathan means Lord Krishna. Certainly he is as mischievous. Check out my November pictures to see how cute he looked.
After the ceremony it was time to chow down. Each Thanksgiving we go around the table and say what we are thankful for. As no suprise everyone was thankful that Nathan was finally home. Nathan loves to eat so he enjoyed all the food. Again check out the November pictures to see how he enjoyed the day. I think he know it was all about him.
It was the perfect day. See the December pictures if you want to see Nathan with a crew cut.
2/22/10
Catching Up on the past few months
Yes it's been a while since I updated the blog. I'm giving serious thought to ending the blog since I don't seem to be updating it regularly.
Here is my attempt to bring everyone up to speed. Let's backtrack to where I left off.
October
What a month this was. Nathan was in full temper trantrum mode. We thought this was early terrible two's. In hindsight I laugh at this.
When we picked him up from daycare it was kicking and screaming. It seemed he didn't want to come home. If we went to a store it was the same behaviour. If we putting him down in the store he would knock things off the shelf. And his screaming would bring the store to a standstill. It reminded me of when my sister Rina was little. She knew how to throw a tantrum and I'm afraid Nathan inherited her talent. Other parents were not shy about what they thought about my son't tantrums or my parenting skills, or lack there of as they not so kindly put it.
Then I read a book and made me feel better. Keyoor and I thought we were the worst most inept parents in the world until I read "What To Expect - the Toddler Years." Turns out that Nathan's behavior was normal and he would grow out of it. In the meantime we refrained from going out anywhere.
Later that month, we went to visit my cousin in San Diego. He and wife just had a baby that was so cute we had to jump on a plane and see Nathan's youngest cousin. It was also Diwali and the family was getting together in San Diego. Nathan did great on the plane. It was a 2 hour ride that turned into a 3 hour trip because we had to sit on the runway for an hour while the fog cleared in San Diego. Other than kicking the seat in front of him, Nathan behaved. Our fear of flying with Nathan was subsiding. In San Diego Nathan loved being in the hotel pool. He took to water like a fish. It's hard to believe that this child once had a fear of water.
I was most proud of Nathan on Halloween. I thought he would go nuts over the candy but he stuck to all the rules I taught him. When he would go up to a house and the home owner would put out the candy bowl and say take whatever you want, Nathan would look at me and wait for me to say it was okay. And then he would take just one candy. And when the home owner would say, you can have more. Nathan would shake his head no, because he knows the rules, only one candy allowed. Words cannot express how proud I was of my baby following all of the rules and manners mommy taught him. The cutest thing was, Nathan did not understand why we rang people's doorbell but never went inside their house. Why would we just take candy and leave.
More next time.
Here is my attempt to bring everyone up to speed. Let's backtrack to where I left off.
October
What a month this was. Nathan was in full temper trantrum mode. We thought this was early terrible two's. In hindsight I laugh at this.
When we picked him up from daycare it was kicking and screaming. It seemed he didn't want to come home. If we went to a store it was the same behaviour. If we putting him down in the store he would knock things off the shelf. And his screaming would bring the store to a standstill. It reminded me of when my sister Rina was little. She knew how to throw a tantrum and I'm afraid Nathan inherited her talent. Other parents were not shy about what they thought about my son't tantrums or my parenting skills, or lack there of as they not so kindly put it.
Then I read a book and made me feel better. Keyoor and I thought we were the worst most inept parents in the world until I read "What To Expect - the Toddler Years." Turns out that Nathan's behavior was normal and he would grow out of it. In the meantime we refrained from going out anywhere.
Later that month, we went to visit my cousin in San Diego. He and wife just had a baby that was so cute we had to jump on a plane and see Nathan's youngest cousin. It was also Diwali and the family was getting together in San Diego. Nathan did great on the plane. It was a 2 hour ride that turned into a 3 hour trip because we had to sit on the runway for an hour while the fog cleared in San Diego. Other than kicking the seat in front of him, Nathan behaved. Our fear of flying with Nathan was subsiding. In San Diego Nathan loved being in the hotel pool. He took to water like a fish. It's hard to believe that this child once had a fear of water.
I was most proud of Nathan on Halloween. I thought he would go nuts over the candy but he stuck to all the rules I taught him. When he would go up to a house and the home owner would put out the candy bowl and say take whatever you want, Nathan would look at me and wait for me to say it was okay. And then he would take just one candy. And when the home owner would say, you can have more. Nathan would shake his head no, because he knows the rules, only one candy allowed. Words cannot express how proud I was of my baby following all of the rules and manners mommy taught him. The cutest thing was, Nathan did not understand why we rang people's doorbell but never went inside their house. Why would we just take candy and leave.
More next time.
2/5/10
December pictures
Here are pictures from the continue of Nathan's mundan haircut, his first christmas with us and his first birthday with us. Nathan turned two on December 29th.
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| December 2009 |
1/29/10
Fall 2009
It's obviously been a while. So much has changed in our lives. Let's start with pictures.
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| November 2009 |
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| October 2009 |
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| September 2009 |
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